Don't touch the light that changed our lifes
by EspirituDelMar
Summary: This is a "what if" one-shot. What if Ace and Sabo took more than a day to save Luffy from the Bluejam Pirates? What if Porchemy didn't only hit him, but raped him as well, leaving a scar in his mind? What if Luffy met them again? Beware for the ANGST! Protective!Strawhats Rape!fic. REVISED x2! I think Luffy is more IC now. The fic is darker, but nothing graphic. Mistakes corrected


**DON'T TOUCH THE LIGHT THAT CHANGED OUR LIFES**

**Hi, everyone! This is a little one-shot I came up with, kind of a****"what if?" ****fic. What if those bandits that kidnapped Luffy when he refused to tell them where Ace and Sabo's treasure was not only tortured him but also raped him and traumatized him because Ace and Sabo took a day to save him? What if they survived the fire... and Luffy meets them again? What if, even if he's strong, the trauma is so big that he can only feel fear?**

**Hope you like it! ^.^**

**10/10/2014: Revised and I've added a bit in some parts. I hope that, with that, Luffy is more IC, as some of you had commented that he wasn't acting 'Luffy-like'. Though it just made the fic even darker, I'm afraid. Still nothing explicit, though.**

**24/10/2015: Revised again; all the grammatical and spelling mistakes have been corrected...some of them made me cringe slightly, and I'm sorry it took me so much to correct them -_-'**

The day had started normal enough. The Sunny had docked in an island, and the Strawhats were wandering around. They would stay there for a day, that is until the log pose was settled.

Luffy was walking happily singing something about "the islands of the south are warm, paina-purupuru, their heads are really hot. And all of them are bakas!" (A/N: In case you don't recognize the song, is the one Luffy sang while walking through the forest in Skypea).

"Oh, look at this!"

Luffy suddenly froze. Despite not having a good memory, he wouldn't forget that voice. The voice that had haunted his dreams for years.

He turned around and saw them.

The Bluejam pirates.

"Hello, kiddo. Long time no see, huh?" One of them smiled evilly. Luffy's eyes widened in fear.

It was Porchemy.

"We've been looking for you, you know" Porchemy continued "You've turned out to be a strong man with a really high bounty! I'm surprised that my little bitch had become a pirate"

Luffy could only tremble in fear, flashbacks going through his mind.

"_Come on, guys, let's have fun!"_

"_Aw, come on kiddo, you can take more!"_

"_P-please" A little Luffy sobbed "S-stop! P-please!"_

"_Tell us where the treasure is!"_

"_N-no!"_

"_Okay then..."_

"_AHHH!"_

"B-bluejam pirates" He whispered.

"Well, now we are the Porchemy's pirates. You see, when Bluejam tried to kill me because of you, it was me who killed him" Porchemy said, making the rest chuckle "Now kiddo, is that the only thing you can say to your master?"

Luffy couldn't take it anymore. He turned around and run. Run to the Sunny, where he locked himself in the men's quarters.

* * *

The rest of the crew returned at dinner time. They were all sitting at the table when they noticed that someone was missing.

"Hey, where's Luffy?" Usopp asked, "How is it that he's not here yet?"

"Yeah, he's normally the first one to be here," Nami said.

Then, Luffy entered the kitchen.

"Oi Luffy, where the hell were you? The food will get co-" Sanji's rant was stopped by the sight of Luffy's face.

Luffy was smiling, yes. But his smile screamed fake.

"O-oi Luffy, are you ok?" Sanji asked, concerned.

"Yes, Luffy, what's the matter?" Chopper asked "Are you hurt?"

"Oh, it's nothing guys!" Luffy said, and everyone cringed at the obviously false cheer in his voice "Come on, let's eat!"

Everyone looked at their captain in concern but chose not to say anything.

* * *

Dinner was unusually quiet.

Everyone was eating from their own plate in silence... yes, even Luffy.

"I'm full," Luffy said when he finished his plate and standing up.

"You don't want more Luffy-san?" Brook asked surprised.

"Nah, I don't feel like eating more" Luffy said, "Tonight is my turn at watch, right? I'll see you tomorrow guys!"

And with that, he left the kitchen.

"Does anyone know what's the matter with captain-san?" Robin asked, worry showing through her normally calm voice.

"He was happy before he left the ship," Nami said "Something must've happened at the town"

Zoro, who hadn't said a word from the start, got up and walked silently towards the door.

"Oi, where are you going marimo?" Sanji asked.

"I'm going with him, shitty cook" Zoro replied.

He went to the crow's nest, but Luffy wasn't there. Worried, he searched the boat until he found him on his special seat, watching the sea.

"Weird place to be on watch"

Luffy didn't answer him, nor did he look at him. He just kept looking at the sea, his hat making anyone unable to see his eyes.

Zoro just sighed and leaned on the railing of the deck, not daring to sit in his captain's special place.

"The others are worried about you," Zoro said casually.

No response.

"Are you going to tell us what happened to you?" He tried again.

Still silence was the only answer.

Zoro sighed again but didn't move. He would stay there all the night if necessary.

He wouldn't leave his captain when he needed his crew. Or at least one of them.

"Zoro," Luffy said after a while.

"Yes, Luffy?"

"Go to sleep. Captain's orders"

Zoro stared at him, surprised. Luffy's voice was so... emotionless. So dead.

"Luffy..." Zoro said softly "I..."

"Go Zoro" Luffy repeated.

Zoro sighed and left for the men's quarters. It was an order from his captain, and he had to obey.

"Have you talked to him?"

He looked up to see the whole crew there.

"What are you doing all here?" He asked.

"Isn't it obvious? We're worried about him" Robin said.

"Have you discovered what's happening to him?" Chopper asked.

"No" He answered, sitting down in his bed "The only words he said were to order me to go to sleep"

The group exchanged worried looks.

"What could possibly make him be like this?" Nami muttered.

"It must be pretty powerful or scary to affect him so much" Usopp commented.

"This is the first time I've seen our idiotic captain like this" Sanji sighed.

"But Luffy aniki is normally SUPER happy and hyper, as well as strong!"

"Yohohoho Luffy-san is normally a very lively person"

"That's right, skeleton-san. But maybe he was hiding something under that happy smiles and laughs? Something hurtful that he had somehow remembered now?"

Everyone looked at Robin, who had a thoughtful expression in her face.

"I mean" She continued "He had actually helped every one of us with our past. He's the one who tied us together and helped us to realize that we had a future"

'She's talking from experience' Everyone thought, looking at her 'But that doesn't make her words less true'

"But what if he also had a troublesome past he can't forget? What if he carries his own burden?" Robin asked.

Everyone fell silent at this.

"That's right," Sanji said, "We've taken him for granted. Because of his cheerful personality and smiles, we've all thought that he was a happy child who grew up with a caring family and all that. But if you think about it, we don't really know anything about his past"

"That's right, he never talks about it," Usopp said thoughtfully.

"But what can we do to help him? He refuses to talk, and we don't know anyone who can tell us" Choper said.

Silence.

"Go to bed," Zoro said, breaking it "And stop worrying about it"

"Aren't you worried about him, Zoro!?" Usopp protested.

"Luffy is strong, he'll get over whatever it is" He answered "And besides, I'm going tomorrow to town to investigate what could possibly have happened to him... and punish the bastard who did it" He added, a dark, murderous aura surrounding him.

Everyone looked and him and nodded.

"Yes, that's actually a good idea," Robin said.

"I'm going with you, bro!" Franky said.

"And me"

"Me too, marimo"

"I'll go as well"

"Me idem"

"Count me in"

It was decided. Zoro, Sanji, Robin, Nami, and Franky were going to investigate, while Chopper, Usopp, and Brook would stay and try to cheer their captain a bit.

* * *

So the next day, they did what they planned.

Or at least that was their intention, because...

"That idiot! I'm going to kill him!"

Yep, that's right. Luffy had gone and left a note telling the crew not to worry and to forget about last night.

"Oh, to hell with the plan. We need to find him" Nami said. Everyone nodded, and split up to look for him.

* * *

Weak.

That was what he was. He was weak.

He had fought against giant cats, a giant, a wax man, a sandman who was a shichibukay, the CP9, zombies...

But he couldn't fight against his own fear. That was pathetic.

That's why he didn't say anything. He was weak. The crew didn't need a weak captain.

That, and because he feared that they would lose the little respect they had for him if they knew what happened to him.

'I need to stop this' He thought when everyone was asleep 'I have to stop! I can't be scared! I should be able to get over this! I'm Monkey D. Luffy, the man who will become the Pirate king!'

That's why he decided to affront his fears, and look for them. Then he'll beat the crap out of them, and his fears would be gone.

Yes, that was a perfect plan! In fact, if he went now, he could be back before his crew woke up!

With a grin, he went to the town, leaving a note just in case. After wandering for a bit, he finally found the base of the Porchemy's pirates.

"Oh, look at this. The kiddo has finally returned to his master" Porchemy taunted "Did you missed me, kiddo?"

Luffy couldn't help but shudder at that cold voice that brought so unpleasant memories.

"I'm here to make you pay what you did to me!" He said, glaring at him.

That made everyone there laugh.

"What can you possibly do to me, kiddo?" Porchemy asked, amused.

Luffy adopted a battle stance, and Porchemy smirked.

"I see. Guys, let's beat him!"

And with that, the fight started. Luffy used his powers, throwing punches right, left and center and hitting everyone, but when he defeated one, two more took their place.

"Won't they end?" He asked, punching another one. Even with his gear second (he couldn't use the third because of the limited space on the room) the people didn't seem to end.

That's why someone, attacking from his back, managed to trap him using cuffs made of kairoseki.

"Bastards!" Luffy shouted, "Attacking from behind is-"

"Did you really think we would play fair, kiddo?" Porchemy laughed. He then got near him and caressed his cheek.

"You know, I've missed your ass. It was wonderful with your abilities" He whispered, making Luffy freeze in panic "I look forward to having that kind of fun again"

Luffy reacted and began to fight everyone who approached him, biting and hitting them with his head, ignoring the weakness from the kairoseki. He fought valiantly until his head was covered in his blood, and he had blood in his teeth. He fought, until, fed up, Porchemy knocked him unconscious.

"Damn brat, he'd grown stronger" He growled, then smirked "But that will make it even sweeter when he breaks"

* * *

"Have you found him?"

Everyone shook their head sadly.

"Damn" Sanji muttered, biting hard on the cigarette. The crew had been looking for Luffy for three days now, but it didn't matter who they asked or how much they looked around the island, no one knew where he could be. And they were beginning to fear the worst.

"What are we going to do?" Usopp sighed, hitting the floor in frustration "Luffy needs us, I'm sure of that!"

"But we've looked everywhere in this island and hadn't found him," Chopper said, tears in his eyes "What if he…"

"Don't you dare say it, Chopper"

Everyone tensed at the dark voice and turned around to see the first mate glaring at them. Of all, Zoro was the one who was more worried and who was suffering the most. He blamed himself for not demanding an answer from Luffy that night and was getting more and more frustrated with each hour Luffy had been away.

"Luffy is not dead, he's stronger than that" Zoro growled "So don't you dare say it. Hre's still in the island somewhere, so we _must _find him" No one, not even Sanji, dared to say anything. Zoro, apart from the first mate, was Luffy's best friend, and both of them had a very special bond. That was another reason Zoro was like that.

"Excuse me, are you looking for a missing boy with a straw hat?"

Everyone turned around to find a woman looking at them with a small smile.

"Do you know where we can find him, miss?" Sanji asked urgently, not even thinking of flirting with her.

"I've heard that the Porchemy's pirates had captured a boy with a straw hat a few days ago" The woman answered "They threatened to kill anyone who told this to his crew, but you looked so worried, I didn't have the heart to stay silent anymore"

"Where are them?" Zoro asked. The woman pointed, and for once, Zoro ran in the right direction, the rest of the group following behind.

They just hoped they weren't too late.

* * *

For Luffy, time had stopped a while ago. The routine was always the same: beatings while he had the kairoseki cuffs on, then when he was weak from them and the lack of food, each man on Porchemy's crew would take a go with him while he didn't have the ciffs, to enjoy his rubber powers to the max, then they would cuff him again, give him some food or water, and let him to repeat it again later. It was hell.

At first, he resisted. He bit, sneered, and once he managed to defeat some of them when they took out the cuffs after the beating, but they were too many, so they cuffed him again and raped him _without his powers or any lube. _It hurt him. A lot.

Darkness was the only thing Luffy could feel inside him, and after sometimes, he stopped caring altogether. He didn't eat until they forced him and didn't even scream or fight. He wasn't broken, but a bit damaged. Though if they continued, the damage would soon reach the point of no return.

And while all this was happening, Luffy was afraid. Not of Porchemy, the beatings or the rape, no. He was afraid of how defenseless and weak he felt. Acpatain shouldn't be like that, he should be strong. But his worst fear was that if his crew saw him like that, what would they think? Will they decide that he was too weak to be their captain and abandon him? Would he lose them, the only reason he had to live after Ace's death?

He just hoped the answer was "no", he even _knew _they would never betray him like that… But his fears talked, and he couldn't quiet them.

* * *

The crew ran after Zoro until, in a cave they hadn't seen while they were searching the island, they saw two guards Robin recognized as a part of Porchemy's crew.

"Our priority is to find Luffy," Nami told them, dead serious "So no fighting until we've found him"

Everyone nodded, and they began to search. That cave was the entrance to a bunch of tangled tunnels that were connected. Using Copper's developed sense of smell, they navigated through the tunnels, avoiding guards or knocking them unconscious when they had no choice. After an agonizing half an hour, they finally found him on one of the furthest tunnels.

They all gasped.

Luffy was sitting in a pool made of his own blood, cuts and burns all over his naked form. He had a gag on his mouth.

But the worse were his eyes.

They were emotionless. Black. There were no feelings in them, none of his usual light.

It was like he was dead inside.

"Luffy/Luffy-san/Captain-san" Everyone whispered, getting near him.

One of them (it didn't matter who, the only thing that mattered was that Luffy was hurt and they didn't do anything to avoid it, damnit!) took the gag out.

Luffy blinked and finally! There was a tiny bit of light in those eyes, a tiny bit of his usual self.

"G-guys?" He asked, his voice hoarse and weak "What...?" He started to cough.

"Don't talk Luffy!" Chopper exclaimed "Here, drink" And he pressed a bottle of water against his lips, from which Luffy drank eagerly and with a grateful gleam in his eyes.

"What… are you doing here?" He asked.

"Idiot, we were looking for you!" Sanji said, "We were worried sick since you disappeared three days ago!"

"Oh, so it had been three days" Luffy whispered, in a voice so emotionless that the crew's worry multiplied by a thousand.

"What have they done to you Luffy?" Chopper carefully asked.

Luffy looked at them and sighed. His worst fear had become true. His crew had seen his captain like that, a captain that is supposed to look strong. But now that he had been seen, he should tell them the rest.

'They deserve to know how weak their captain really is' He thought bitterly.

And so he told them. He told them about Sabo and Ace, and about how the Bluejam pirates captured him and tortured him in any way possible.

"I'm sorry. Sorry for worrying you. Sorry for not being the strong captain you deserve" He told them, tears in his eyes "I'm weak, I wasn't able to beat my fears, the nightmares that plagued my childhood. It didn't matter how much I fought, in the end I still lost. I couldn't do anyting when they did that to me in the past, and couldn't do anyting when they did it now" He sobbed.

Luffy finally let all the tears he had been valiantly repressing out, baring all his weakness and hating himself for it. Now they would leave him.

"I would understand if you no more want to stay in my crew"

There was a prolongued silent after Luffy's broken whisper, the crew processing what it had been said. And when they finally took everything in, their reaction surprised Luffy.

"Idiot!" Nami cried, hitting him lightly in the head while trying to repress her tears.

"How can you say that captain?" Franky said.

"After all you did for us, we aren't going to leave you, Luffy-san" Brook added.

"Stop being an idiot," Sanji said.

"Yes Luffy, stop" Usopp agreed.

"You were the one who blackmailed me into joining, idiot" Zoro scoffed "So now you're stuck with me"

"The same with me," Robin and Chopper said.

"**WE WON'T FOLLOW ANY OTHER CAPTAIN!**" They all said.

Luffy was looking at them with wide eyes. He could see that what they felt wasn't repulsion at their captain weakness, as he feared. No, that didn't even appear.

It was worry. Fear. Sadness. But most of all, anger. Anger towards the bastards who did that to their captain.

"G-guys..." He said, "So you don't mind if I'm weak? You don't mind that I couldn't stop them?"

"Idiot, that's what nakama are for. If someone is weak, we help them to become stronger" Zoro said.

"The marimo is right. We're together in this, captain"

Luffy's eyes widened and the answer he had wanted and hoped to hear made him do something everyone had wanted since the moment they had seen him.

He smiled.

Until they saw it, no one realized how much that shiny smile meant to them, how much they had missed it. Every little thing that made him how he was, that made him Luffy, was like a little light in their lives.

It was the light that gave them an opportunity to fulfill their dreams. The light that gave them hope. That saved them from the darkness.

The light that tied them together.

And as they realized that, their anger and hate multiplied tenfold. Some filthy pirates had threatened to take it from them forever. They had hurt him, making a scar in his mind.

They had raped him. Their childish, innocent captain, the one with the eternal smile and infinite kindness, raped! How could they?! _How could they dare to do that?!_

The dark aura that had already surrounded the crew became even stronger. A dark aura that surrounded their captain like a protective blanket, an aura that promised the worst hell to those who had hurt their captain. They would show them that they've messed with the wrong crew.

Oh, how they were going to pay... They would desire to be dead, they would beg for mercy…but they wouldn't give them any.

"Chopper, stay with him and treat his wounds," Zoro said darkly.

"Okay. You go and beat them for me as well, ok?" The usual cheerful voice of the reindeer was equally dark.

Everyone nodded, and left the room.

* * *

A few hours later, Luffy woke up from his sleep...

To see everyone around him with relieved smiles on their faces.

"Minna..." He said, blinking.

Then he remembered. He had been kidnapped and saved by his crew. He also remembered the conversation he had with them.

He felt like waking up from a bad dream. The darkness had left him, forever.

"How are you feeling Luffy?" Chopper asked.

"Great, thank you Chopper!" He answered, smiling brightly. But then, his smile faltered and he asked, "What happened to them?"

He didn't need to specify.

"Don't worry, they won't annoy you anymore" Franky said.

"Really?"

"Really"

Luffy's smile returned even brighter. It was time for Sanji to ask the magic question.

"Now, do you want something to eat? I have some meat pr-"

"YAY MEAT!"

And with that he bolted from the room.

Everyone smiled at each other, relieved. Their light had returned.

* * *

"AH! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!"

When the only one of the Porchemy's pirates that had passed the night away after celebrating that they finally got the kid their captain had been looking for returned to their base, he was horrified about what he saw there.

There were dead bodies everywhere. And the blood painted the walls and floor.

The Strawhat pirates didn't normally kill their enemies, but those bastards didn't deserve to live after what they did to their captain.

The message was clear:

_Don't touch the light that changed our lifes_.

**Leave a review to tell me what you think, ok? :)**


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